Rambling: Car Hunting

27 Oct, 2023

I’ve been thinking a lot about cars recently.

I just got my license, and currently our only vehicle in the household is a 2014 Kia Sedona that hasn’t been stolen yet, knock on wood¹ - but making funny TikToks about how you stole some grandma’s lame little mom van with cat shit on top that looks straight out of 2004 Midwestern suburbia isn’t nearly as cool as stealing a 2018 Hyundai Elantra or something, so I can see why they never bothered (also unfortunate, because the car the driving school I paid for used a Hyundai Sonata and I got pretty comfortable with it. It got pretty windy on highways though :( I do not think I will buy a Hyundai/Kia if I can help it ).

Regardless, I need some wheels, and the current car market sucks for a broke bitch that just dumped most of her savings to marginally pay for a mistake of an education. And it’s only gonna get worse. So, you know what that means - used cars! Sloppy seconds! And by the Gods, the family mechanic is going to walk out of this with a fat chunk of change doing prepurchase inspections and telling me every car I drag into his shop is on its last legs. Oh dear. Gotta love the Valley of the Sun’s love for cars more than its own people. The city’s made for them!

Considering how even used cars are an incredible money sink, I’ve practically began spending tons of time learning about cars just to figure out how to get my money’s worth. Here is some of the knowledge parted upon me by Ye Ole Internet and also my carhead brother from back in Ohio:

• Pre-purchase inspections are gospel, but make sure you really trust your mechanic so that he doesn’t pass a lemon off as legit (I do to a degree, he goes out of his way to make sure the Sedona’s running) and it’s important to educate yourself on very basic things to look at ie oil levels, wear and tear, underside for rust
• Luxury brands mean luxury repair prices. If you’re a total first time driver or just a Brokebitch Mountain resident, forgo it entirely - if the repairs don’t get you, insurance rates will.
• Speaking of - get insurance quotes before you even consider contacting the seller. If you or a family member are military, you get access to USAA which might have some good rates. Don’t be afraid to shop around, and if you’re not using an independent agent, make sure to clear your cache and use a VPN so that they don’t start jacking up prices like crazy because you made the mistake of looking up rates on the Internet. Yes, they do the flight rates thing. Why isn’t that illegal?
• Don’t buy used Jeeps, Chrystlers, or Dodges unless you want a world of pain. Everything will break and die. Don’t bother with Kia/Hyundai either if you’re interested in having a stolen car (unless you get an old Sedona lololol) or an inoperable one. Prepurchase inspection is key regardless.
• Toyodas, Hondas and Mazdas are reliable, but be weary with heavily used ones as people take that to mean “this doesn’t need service, like, ever,” and beat the ever living shit out of it into submission and its guts are probably hella fucked. Pre-purchase inspections are needed.
• Pay attention to where the seller is at - in the case of Phoenix, a car from Maryvale is most likely going to be beaten to death by drivers that don’t give a shit about taking care of them whereas Deer Valley or Sun City/Sun City West has your best chances of finding old people parting ways with gently used, well maintained cars. Tempe’s where ASU’s main campus is, so YMMV as it’s most likely people trying to trick dumb college kids into buying a fucked up car and get cash quick. Northern AZ deals with a little something called “weather” so there’s potential for rust. Regardless, that pre-purchase inspection is important.
• Another thing to do before you even decide to call, research the make and model of the car - even if it’s one of the “reliable ones”. Figure out if it’s had recalls (it probably has), and any major issues to look out for at certain mileages. Peek at various car subreddits (though YMMV, certain subs are just echo chambers - use your best judgement) and see what they say about it and issues they’ve had. These are questions you need to ask the seller. If they give you a hard time, just let it go. A deal is not worth dying over.
• Look at NHTSA and IIHS crash test ratings, and if available, crash test videos of the car (IIHS performs more rigorous testing, but it’s optimal to find reports from both). While crashes are dependent on all sorts of factors, it gives you an idea of how the car would act in different accidents. This is essential if you don’t want to, like, fucking die.

So, the end task list is:

1. Research cars and make a shortlist of makes/models to find
2. Get money for car (simple in theory, difficult in execution)
3. Request quote for insurance from insurance companies
4. Math out monthly costs of gas, insurance, and maintenance
5. Find the damn car from a private seller and hope it’s not being sold for too much (it usually is, anyway - maybe by November we’ll see some better deals)
6. Actually reach out to the seller and ask about ownership history, why they’re selling it, carfax, common problems, current problems, recalls, etc. and ask to arrange PPI
7. Actually meet up with seller and look at car and pay for PPI, and if OK, test drive it (I ain’t going in that thing ‘til I know it’s safe)
8. Assuming everything is hunky dory, go to credit union to exchange funny green paper for a fancy paper and some keys
9. Cry (this can be applied to any step in the process)

My only real requirements beyond the given “it works and it’s not a car that can be stolen with a USB drive” are a) a four-door sedan, in case I need to ferry the household at some point without the unwieldiness of an SUV for a new driver and b) I need a backup camera. I learned how to back a car into a parking spot without it in driving school, but man, it makes it so much easier to correct with. There are some that you can install on any car, but being the literal layman-iest person when it comes to cars, I’m not gonna try that. Don’t need a full-blown infotainment system, just need a funny camera that beeps when I’m near a curb. Automatics are preferable (driving a car is extremely overwhelming as it is, and the last thing I need is another thing to take my eyes off the road), but knowing the reliability issues automatics have used, I may end up getting a manual if push came to shove.

So far, I’ve been flip flopping between steps 1, 5, and 9. My brain says to get a 2013-2015 Toyota Camry, 2014-2016 Mazda 3, or maybe a 2014+ hybrid Ford Fusion if I can find a good deal on them. As a new driver, I need something that isn’t too costly, but is reliable and won’t kill me dead too hard when I inevitably get t-boned by a drunk driver behind the wheel of a gigantic Dodge Ram Childmauler Edition.

My heart, however, is pretty dead set on a 2014-2015 Lincoln MKZ - the only car my mom has had leased that wasn’t a gas guzzling piece of shit that lived in some dealership in some town two and a half hours away or whatever getting fixed more than our own driveway.² But moreso - it’s a comfortable car built with similar shit as Ford Fusions (and even have hybrid options! but good luck finding them lolol), people seem to regard it as “a mid to ok car” depending on the year, and they depreciate wildly so used ones can be gotten for somewhat cheap. I don’t think I’ll end up getting one, especially since it’d still be expensive to repair regardless because it’s a luxury brand and that + new driver = high insurance (and, of course, being a new driver means it’s going to get dented in all kinds of places), but there’s still a part of me wanting to keep an eye out on the wealthy grandmas over in Scottsdale or Gilbert or something looking to let go of their fancy Lincolns.

Are you on a car hunt too? What are you looking for? How’s your car hunt been? And remember, if you’re looking at a car that you don’t feel 100% certain about, now matter how fantastic of a deal it is - hit the bricks!!

#cars #thoughts